Assalaamu’alaikum,
Sometimes,
simple things can get harder, depending on how you manage those issues. As for
myself, having been looked down almost on every part of myself; be it on the
looks, the way I walk, the way I talk, the way I think and what not, I am
beginning to learn to accept things the way it should be, meaning I have
long chucked away any thoughts of trying to stress myself down with all those
remarks, comments and everything, but instead I would simply do as what was
told by our 2nd caliph that is ‘Umar bin Al-Khottob: “Introspect
your ownself before getting reckoned with(ie. later in the hereafter).”
Indeed, I
would lie if I say nothing of those remarks ever made me feel down; not even a
bit. However, it does hurt me and at times yes I just have to rattle at them
within my own comfort, meaning talking about them behaving so immature and uncivilized,
and everything, but only exclusive to my ears. Well it’s just normal, but of
course you just have ask for His forgiveness after that; that’s basic.
However,
despite having the above mentioned, at the very end, you just have to ask
yourself, what made them say that to you? In what way were you less capable
than them? Are you being too confident or are you actually lying to yourself by
saying everything they said are baseless and not pure when in fact, there are
actually some truth in it? But In spite of that, after having ‘questioned’ by
your ownself all those things, then ask again, but reverse the topic. Ask, are
they really saying the truth? Are you really that low when in fact only you and
Him actually know how hard you have been trying to change? Well people may not
see it as they are too busy looking at the outside of people, at the nature of
things, at this and that, without actually going beyond any of that. Well that’s
life, isn’t it?
Having said
that, I believe everything actually goes down to TRUST. If you really trust
HIM, you wouldn’t go miles trying to prove everything He said have reasons and
wisdoms. You wouldn’t try hard to convince yourself that everything He has made
for you are actually for your own good. Why? It is because you simply have
total trust on Him. You already know that He is the best planner, He always
have reasons in everything He made and by a matter of fact, you know that He is
not bad, so why in the first place would you question His authority?
So the
same thing applies to human beings, specifically your own families, or your own
circle of friends, or best or close friends. Yes your trust may not be like that
of trusting your own God. That is an of course, but still you should at least
manage your ‘trust’ the way It should be. If they said no to something, then
trust their word at least 60-80%. Well you don’t have to say it out loud.
Simply Yes I trust in you. Though it may not always be right, trust me, if you
keep showing your trust, keep showing your good attitude and behavior towards
him, keep all the positive things for him, he will, no matter how bad he is, no
matter how many times he had broken your trust, realise who is actually behind
him, supporting him always and all. He will eventually say sorry to you or at
least turn over a new leaf without anyone having to slap or kick him on the
face. Slowly but surely insyaAllah,
..but instead, if you keep showing your negative thoughts on him, how would you think he would
react? Yes he will eventually realise that you are not actually having the
slightest trust in him, and to cover it, he would make lie upon lie, simply to
make you trust him, and of course, this is the worst part of all, because you
are actually living at your own world without you realizing that you are
actually at fault, and not him as a whole.
Yes, you may be the best of friends, but that doesn't mean you should ask and interrogate each other on every thing you guys did, or check one another's phone 24/7. Doesn't mean you should force him into accepting what you've been advising him on the spot too. Is that what you really see in a sincere friendship that is built upon trust and His Mercy? No. That simply means your friendship is built upon doubts and negative thoughts of one another. To put it simple, would you like to have your parents or even your siblings check on you 24/7, though they do actually have the rights to do so?
It does not mean that we do not appreciate your concern but there is a difference between that of being concern and overprotective. Concern is when you simply ask one another of his well being, how his life, what can you do for him and things like that, but being overprotective is when you go beyond simply asking; and that is as if you are interrogating, and even after that, you would go check his messages and what not. Your best friend is not your wife, neither is he your slave where you could do whatever you wish to, and even if he is your partner or slave, that partner or slave of yours still have his rights of privacy. Well we all have our bad and naughty corners in ourselves where at times we just couldn't control it, where sometimes we kind of have to just play along with it, and as his best friend, what you could do is to constantly remind him to remember Him and His prophet, his parents and all; remind him that that naughty part of his is not a excuse for him to disobey God's laws and things like that. That is your job, but to get angry and raise your voice over him, that doesn't help, but instead it would make matters worse as it indirectly would make him feel even lower at his current point. As much as you want him to remember God at all times, do remember that you yourself should start beforehand by believing that He is the Best Planner.
Yes, you may be the best of friends, but that doesn't mean you should ask and interrogate each other on every thing you guys did, or check one another's phone 24/7. Doesn't mean you should force him into accepting what you've been advising him on the spot too. Is that what you really see in a sincere friendship that is built upon trust and His Mercy? No. That simply means your friendship is built upon doubts and negative thoughts of one another. To put it simple, would you like to have your parents or even your siblings check on you 24/7, though they do actually have the rights to do so?
It does not mean that we do not appreciate your concern but there is a difference between that of being concern and overprotective. Concern is when you simply ask one another of his well being, how his life, what can you do for him and things like that, but being overprotective is when you go beyond simply asking; and that is as if you are interrogating, and even after that, you would go check his messages and what not. Your best friend is not your wife, neither is he your slave where you could do whatever you wish to, and even if he is your partner or slave, that partner or slave of yours still have his rights of privacy. Well we all have our bad and naughty corners in ourselves where at times we just couldn't control it, where sometimes we kind of have to just play along with it, and as his best friend, what you could do is to constantly remind him to remember Him and His prophet, his parents and all; remind him that that naughty part of his is not a excuse for him to disobey God's laws and things like that. That is your job, but to get angry and raise your voice over him, that doesn't help, but instead it would make matters worse as it indirectly would make him feel even lower at his current point. As much as you want him to remember God at all times, do remember that you yourself should start beforehand by believing that He is the Best Planner.
You
get my point. Life is just too short to be thinking so deep on everything that
happens to you. Simply get back on track, ask for His forgiveness, look back to
strengthen your spirit, and move on.
Allah
musta’aan.
