Uncertainty.

Assalaamu'alaikum..

There is indeed truth in the saying, " Jack of all trades, a master to none. "

It is not easy being an average person, who had scored, at least once, an A for each and every subject he has took before, who had once became one of the top 3 in the class, who had never got or been kicked out from being one of the top 10 in class since Secondary 1 to 5.

You're good at hosting an event, you're good at public speaking, you're good at studies, you're good at languages - almost everything. Yet you can't seem to choose which of those you are really interested in or you're really good at. You like 'Debates', you like Malay, Arabic and English. Simply because you have ever got an A1 for the subjects. You've got a brother who is at the current moment, studying at a University in Madinah, Saudi Arabia, and you can't easily escape from the thoughts and minds of everyone thinking that you yourself is just as good as your brother. Good at studies, especially in the theological sides, as well as in the sporting arena - Soccer, Athletics etc.

Now you get A1. The next moment, B4, C6 or worse D7 or F9. That's exactly me. Inconsistency, lack of self-esteem, or bemused?

The moment people starting to label you as a smart guy, though you yourself deny it, challenges, high expectations will begin to 'haunt' you. Sometimes you don't even know if you're really as smart or as good as what people classified you to be. Sometimes you didn't even realise that you're actually paying too much of your sedulous attention to it. Or that you're trying your best to give them a taste of your quality. Some people would treat it as a blessing upon looking at or talking to you. The happiness that radiates, though at times was a fictitious one, seems to be a delight for them to watch. At a point of time, you would ask yourself, " Are you really doing all this for the sake of your ownself or the others' instead? "

To some other people, you really look like a braggart who loves to show off, boasts around your accomplishments, achievements and such. Reality is, you yourself are unsure. Some say you look young, some say you look old, in the sense that you look matured. But you youself, once again are uncertain.

One moment you wanna go Poly, the next, to stay at MWTI. Poly enrolment you've gotten, MWTI, also gotten. But you just can't decide which is really good for you. First you said you want to be a preacher, or a theologian, next, a Lawyer and next, a language teacher, preferably a Malay teacher. Just which is really which, only He knows.

For now, I'll just pray to Him to ease my undertakings, ease my future endeavours. Guys gals, do make supplications for me.

With that,
Assalaamu'alaikum.